Fight Club Haikus

I Like Myself

Men is what we are.
Go ahead, Cornelius.
It’s your turn to cry.

Tiny bar of soap.
Grande latte enema.
His balls are ice cold!

Then, something happened.
Losing all hope was freedom.
My eyes are open.

We’re inside our hearts.
The pain itself is a white
Ball of healing light.

Step into your cave.
And now you’re going to find your
Power animal…

Then… something happened.
I wasn’t really dying.
Now, the closing prayer.

“This is cancer, right?”
If I did have a tumor,
I’d name it Marla.

Look, Marla, I can’t
Cry with faker present.
I found a new one.

I love support groups
They’re cheaper than a movie,
And there’s free coffee.

You aren’t dying.
But you’re not dying the way
Chloe is dying.

When people think you’re
Dying, they really listen.
It’s an addiction.

Could you wake up in
A different time, different place,
A different person?

Single serving friends.
We have our time together,
But that’s all we get.

Teenager’s braces
Around the backseat ashtray.
Anti-smoking ad?

A times B times C.
X is less than a recall,
So we don’t do one.

We accept our fate.
Orange juice and gasoline.
Calm as Hindu cows.

I make and sell soap…
How’s that working out for you?
The ass or the crotch?

I’m at a payphone.
I called a second ago.
There was no answer.

I’ve got a duvet.
This is how we fill our lives.
You buy furniture.

Tyler says the things
You own, they end up owning you.
You have to give up.

Splicing single frames,
Tyler was a night person.
Enjoy the movie!

No one really knows
That they’ve seen it. But they did.
Single-frame penis.

Creme of mushroom soup.
Don’t watch.  I can’t if you watch.
You get the idea.

I didn’t know if he
Owned it or he was squatting.
What are you reading?

I can’t get married –
I’m a thirty-year-old boy.
Who did this to you?

I don’t think that’s true.
We were finding, more and more,
We were not alone.

I am Jack’s colon.
I get cancer, I kill Jack.
Single-serving friends.

Did you know you can
Swallow a whole pint of blood
Before you get sick?

It was on the tip
Of everyone’s tongue.  Tyler
Just gave it a name.

Tyler gave the rules.
You don’t talk about Fight Club.
Welcome to Fight Club.

He fell down some stairs.
Sometimes Tyler spoke for me.
I fell down some stairs.

She. Ruined. Everything.
This is probably one of
Those cry-for-help things.

I said I promise!
That was three times you promised.
I am Jack’s Cold Sweat.

What are you doing?
You want to finish her off?
I’m just going to bed.

I became the calm,
Little center of the world.
I’m the Zen master.

I got this dress at
A thrift store for one dollar.
Worth every penny.

Like a Christmas tree —
So special, left on the curb,
Tinsel still clinging.

Like sex crime victims,
Underwear inside-out, bound
With electric tape.

Tonight? We make soap.
I am Jack’s raging bile duct.
First we render fat.

What are you doing?!
You don’t get paid to abuse
The copy machine.

Maybe you shouldn’t
Be bringing me every
Little piece of trash.

Something horrible
Had been growing under,
Behind, and inside.

Human sacrifices.
Year after year, bodies burnt.
Lye filled the river.

The first soap was made
From the ashes of heroes.
Like the space monkeys.

Mischief. Mayhem. Soap.
This is a chemical burn.
I am Jack’s cold sweat.

Without sacrifice,
Without death, we would have nothing.
You are going to die.

What you’re feeling is
Premature enlightenment.
Come back to the pain.

Our fathers were our
Models for God.  And, if our
Fathers bailed, where’s God?

It’s only after
You’ve lost everything you’re free
To do anything.

He said.  You’re a step closer
To hitting bottom.

Tyler sold the soap
To stores at twenty bucks each.
God knows what they charged.

I found something new.
The first rule is… you do not
Talk about Fight Club.

And the second rule
Is that you do not ever
Talk about Fight Club.

Fight Club — this was mine
And Tyler’s gift to the world.
Bob, I’m a member.

I won’t need to come
Into the office.  I can
Do this job from home.

Working jobs we hate
To buy the shit we don’t need.
Work.  Going to work.

Please let us keep it…
We need replacement light bulbs.
We need some towels, Lou.

Homework assignment:
Start a fight with a stranger.
…And you’re going to lose.

On a long enough
Time line, the survival rate
Will drop to zero.

Give me your wallet.
A cramped basement apartment.
You’re going to die.

Were the mid-terms hard?
What did you used to study,
Raymond K. Hessel?

Tomorrow will be
The most beautiful day of
Raymond Hessell’s life.

His breakfast will taste
Better than any meal he
Has ever eaten.

You are not how much
Money you have in the bank.
You are not your job.

We do your laundry,
Cook your food, serve your dinner.
Do not fuck with us.

Something on your mind?
Fight Club was the beginning.
Now Project Mayhem.

Two black shirts?  Two pair
Black trousers?  One pair black boots?
Black socks?  Go inside.

We are not special.
This does not belong to us.
You know what I mean.

Tyler… what is this… !
This is as much mine as yours.
Paint a self-portrait.

And you? What will you
Wish you’d done before you died?
I don’t know!  Nothing!

A car accident.
This must’ve been what all those
Statistics felt like

Sooner or later,
We all became what Tyler
Wanted us to be.

Tyler’s army grew.
To what purpose, might one ask?
In Tyler We Trust.

In Project Mayhem
You are not a beautiful
And unique snowflake.

In Project Mayhem
His name is Robert Paulson.
You are a moron.

Across the country
Every city I went to…
Fight Club franchises

Everywhere I went,
I felt I had already
Been there. Déjà vu.

You want to know if
I think we were just having
Sex or making love?

So we did make love?
Is that what you’re calling it?
Answer the question!

Say my name, Marla
Why do people think I’m you?
Answer me, Tyler.

You broke your promise.
You talked to her about me.
Why did you do that?

What is wrong with you?
You can see me and hear me,
But no one else can…

What about Marla?
Tyler’s not here anymore!
Well… technically, no.

In that case, may I
Advise against the lady
Eating clam chowder?

Sir!  Anything you
Order is free of charge, sir.
Thanks, no clam chowder.

You fuck me, then snub
Me.  You love me, you hate me.
Now you’re an asshole!

You’re such a nutcase
Two sides?  You’re Dr. Jekyll
And Mr. Jackass.

A familiar scar.
You’re the one who did this to
Me, Mr. Durden.

I’m Tyler Durden.
You told me you would say that.
Wait, I’m not Tyler.

If anyone tries
To interfere with Project
Mayhem, get his balls.

You’re a genius, sir.
You told us you would say that.
Not my mouth.  Our mouth.

I’m Tyler Durden.
And I’m ordering you to
Abort the mission!

I wouldn’t be doing that.
Wait, don’t cut the green wire!
If you know, I know.

It’s a “changeover.”
Everything is a copy.
Ah. Flashback humor.

And I’ll carry you-
Kicking and screaming, and in
The end you’ll thank me.

One step closer to
Global equilibrium.
Can’t you call it off…?

We’re at ground zero.
I can’t think of anything.
It’s out of our hands.

You look terrible,
Why do you want to do that?
My eyes are open.

You’re the all-singing,
All-dancing crap of the world.
Are you all right, sir… ?!

Tyler went away.
You met me at a very
Strange time in my life.

Without just one nest
A bird can call the world home
Life is your career

A tiger can smile.
A snake will say it loves you.
Lies make us evil.

Worker bees can leave.
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.

Watching white moon face.
The stars never feel anger.
Blah, blah, blah, the end.

Raindrops on roses.
Happy Disney animals.
This makes my parts hurt.

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